Friday, 04 July 2008
-
Currently Reading
Desire: The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers
By John Eldredge
see relatedI'm coming home, God ...
I have cried almost every day for the past two weeks or three weeks. It is not just about my broken heart. It is about my broken soul. Tonight, I broke down in front of my brother after telling him what had happened this summer thus far. (See earlier posts.) I told him my biggest fear in life is the one that haunts me every day - never getting married and never having a family. You see, the dating scene in college has been less than ideal. I have been used and exploited by men multiple times. (Well, not men. They are not worthy of being called men if they can treat females the way they do.) The one time I am given someone special, someone who understands and appreciates me for whom I am, he tells me he cannot be with me anymore. It is hard for me to believe now that I am worthy enough for anyone. My self-esteem has plummeted. I see myself in a negative light. I cannot believe what people tell me anymore when they try to cheer me up.
I just want to be treated like I should be treated, for once.
I try so hard to believe that this is a part of God's greater plan for me. I pray everyday for His love, His guidance and His strength. I am appalled by the fact that I have these doubts. I am trying desperately, though, to work through these doubts and just submit. I have to have desire. I have to have hope.
It is the Fourth of July, and all I want to do is crawl into bed and just sleep. But I can't. And I won't. I cannot stall. I cannot remain stagnant. God wants me to keep on moving. I have to keep on moving.
Next week, I start therapy. I cannot wait for Tuesday evening.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to mslisachristine's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in mslisachristine's local time zone: GMT -06:00 (Central Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (7)
i know what you mean... today after work, i just didn't want to do anything... but i decided to go to a 4th of july fireworks party... but even then, it seemed empty and plain and just a drag to even be there... considering i felt like I was missing something dear to me...
i know what you mean...
I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Therapy helped me a great deal and I hope it helps you, also.
@StumblingTowards - Thank you. I hope it helps, as well.
@leadworshipper82 - Eugene, I am praying for you. We can get through this. I know we can.
@mslisachristine - i'm actually now asking God to show His faithfulness in fulfilling my vow I'm pleading with Him to let me fulfill w/o discarding my like some bad garbage... if only He would let me fulfill this vow I'm asking Him to let me fulfill...
but... for me... i'm at this point where... i feel misplaced without this girl that I so love... our separation has caused me an even greater sense of being displaced... as if a hurricane tore my home apart and left me stranded... on an emotional scale anyways... and being without this girl... it's like being away from home for a long time only you can't go back till the flood waters recede... this 3 months I'm respecting her with is like that... i'm homesick and nothing feels right... everything is gray, breathing sucks, food tastes bland, and all I can do is just pray for her and ask God to please just let me....
but for you... keep on sticking to it... live your life to the fullest in pursuit of Jesus as I am... i am praying for you nd lifting u up before our Christ...
((((((((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))))))
x
@mamma_sez - Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! You make people feel so welcomed and loved. God bless you!